“Back in my country, it was very hard to get fat.” My newly-appointed, middle aged, rolly-poly doctor talked to me about her girlhood in India. “When I came back from studying in the United States, my mother gasped at how fat I had gotten.”
I shifted in my gown, trying to look intently and nod approvingly at her story, but I knew that this was a lead-in to a lecture. I was a captive audience (literally, because my clothes were neatly folded on a chair.)
“Have you tried to lose weight before?” she asked, not looking up from her chart.
I wanted to scream. YES. I have been dieting since I was twelve. I’ve been bullied about my weight since children could verbalize their hatred for me. I could show you the diaries that I still have, detailing everything I ate down to the calorie. I could tell her about Weight Watchers, Atkins, Paleo, or the countless hours spent on the treadmill. I wanted to gush out every sad detail that had led me to the highest weight I had ever seen on a scale.
All I could manage was, “Yes,” and mumbled something about how I have been trying my whole life.
“Well, obviously you are not doing enough.”
Tears started to build behind my eyelids. All I could do is create a blinking dam and hope they weren’t too red.
The sad part was, she was right. No matter what sort of resume I could present her, the weighty truth is that I had failed. I had failed at every single line item I could throw out as a defense.
I almost threw out the Weight Management Program packet when it came in the mail. “I know how to count calories,” I thought, contemptuously. It sat on a shelf, and the longer I really was honest with myself, the more I realized that i needed something drastic to change, or I would be 300 pounds before I knew it.
I am going to stop here for today. One of the reasons I am chronicling my journey, is that I have found very few blogs that really follow this process closely. I Googled in vain to find only a few chat boards and Reddit posts about medically-supervised VLCD (Very Low Calorie Diets,) or meal-replacement type diets. I am creating this new chapter of my blog to help anyone who plans to try it.
So, I tip my shaker to you.